The REAL Reason Toddlers Annoy Us

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May 24, 2013 by Sarah Christine Bolton

I have had an ephinany. 

Toddlers don’t annoy us because they do thing wrong or bad.

They annoy us because they do the things we all WISH we could do, but can’t, because we have to be responsible adults, etc., etc.

For example, toddlers can be naked. M. will peel her clothes off at every possible moment. When we have guests over. Right before we are trying to leave the house. During a blizzard when the temperature is -75 degrees.

Ok, it actually doesn’t get that cold in Memphis, but she will be naked when it’s 30 degrees.

And then, the other day, this scenario happened:

I’m sitting on the couch, nursing baby A. I hear a scuffle happening in the kitchen, and then M., wearing nothing but Spongebob socks, sprints past me, an entire stick of butter in her hands. Her naked butt ran into the bedroom and slammed the door. I screamed for E., my mind imagining her shoving the entire stick of butter in her mouth. Seconds later, E. runs by, wrestles the door open, and extracts the butter (minus a couple of bites) from M. 

Or this scenario:

We decided that taking a toddler to a relatively nice Indian restaurant was a good idea. (What can I say? We were probably high or something). Everything was great for about 3 minutes, and then, my child started making primal animal sounds, licking the table, and attempting to knock what I assume was expensive artwork off the walls. All the while, pissing off the couples trying to enjoy an intimate, peaceful meal. 

I’ll be honest. Those people pissed me off, and I would have loved to make primal sounds and lick the table, just to annoy them, but I can’t. But my toddler can. I also think a world in which one could be naked and eat sticks of butter would be just about perfect. But alas, that is not the case.

And that’s why she sometimes annoys the heck out of me.


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